A dear friend recently asked me where she could meet a good guy. She is going through a tough divorce and is feeling lonely. I texted her back saying “When you are not looking, you will find it. Just have to work on yourself and really fall in love with yourself first.”
She told me that is what everybody tells her, and it is hard, but she is learning. She asked if there was a good article out there, and I told her I’d do her better and write my own.
Below is the letter I wrote. Maybe something in it could help you too. (Names have been removed for privacy)
Hey love I wanted to think and gather my thoughts before I replied to you.
First I want to tell you how much I love you. I am so lucky to have you in my life because you are the most kind and caring person I know. I tell everyone I hope that you are lucky to have —– in your life.
Life has been hard for you. Especially more-so in these recent years. You’ve been dealt a tough hand. No one really knows the depth of it only you do.
But you know what is amazing? When you are in these tough times, God shows you this, specifically, so that WHEN you overcome, you will TRULY enjoy the greatness that is on the horizon.
You can’t experience the good that is to come if you’re still bound by the past.
Each time you think on the past and think about the negativity you’ve endured, you are reliving it over and over again. All the pain, all the emotions, rushing over you again.
Imagine if your child got a bad grade on a project or test. What advice would you give them?
Would you keep repeating to them what a horrible job they did and that they will get no where in life because of a bad grade? Obviously no.
You tell them that it is ok, you know now what you need to do, to do better, to get a better grade. You respond to them with love.
When you asked me where are all the good men and I responded with, you have to love yourself first and the right person will be there. I didn’t just mean to give you that cliche response.
But it is so true! When you truly love yourself, you are allowing yourself to be open to what God, the Creator, has in store for your life.
Do you think God will bring the right man to you, when you are bound by the past, when you are still going through your painful divorce, when you are still hanging around toxic people?
Even if the right man came along at this time, would you have even recognized? Or are you just drowning in the toxicity around you?
I was looking at old photos of you. The ones of you from high school, and I just loved the way your eyes lit up and how happy you looked.
I want to see that again in you. I want to see you on fire for life. We are so damn blessed to be here on earth and we forget this IMMENSE gift because of the cards we are dealt. We get stuck in the day to day routine.
When I see you and chat with you, you are so frazzled, thinking about this and that, thinking so far into the future, just thinking about everything but what is present in front of you.
I want you here. I want you present. Just feel this exact moment. Don’t let your mind drift. Don’t let your mind wander.
Look around you. What do you see? Do you see the beautiful mountains in front of you? The awesome view of the sunset? Do you see the most amazing gifts in your life, your children?
Do you get to truly fall in love with your children each day? Or do you brush them aside to think and dwell on your problems?
Our children are only young once. The foundation we build them when they are young is what is going to stick with them for life. Are you giving them a foundation of love? A foundation of trust? Can they turn to you when they need attention? When they need encouragement? When they need love?
You will only be able to provide love to them IF you love yourself.
The day we were swimming, and your daughter asked you if you would come down the slide with her. You were terrified, you hadn’t come down the slide once the whole time you were living there. You hesitated. But you said YES.
It was probably the highlight of the day. We were all laughing and having fun, and that moment will probably be with your daughter for life.
I want you to say YES to life. I want you to take back control. I want you to have that happiness in your eyes that I saw in the past photos.
You are awesome. You are great. Start loving yourself. Stop reliving the past.
Write down your goals. What do you want to achieve daily? What do you want to achieve this week? This year?
Start small.
Make breakfast for the kids
Ask them about their day
When you achieve the goals you have written down you will feel accomplished. That feeling will propel you to take on the world.
I am ready for you to realize how great you are. How much of an impact you can have on the world. That hard hand you were dealt? That will only make your comeback story that much greater.
You are the only one who knows what YOU have to do. The advice you get will only have an impact if you are willing to change.
So are you willing to change? Are you willing to be open to God’s love to really take back control of your life.
You will have to decide that. But remember, I am rooting for you.
Love,
Vianca
Let me know your thoughts on my facebook page, and follow me on instagram vianca__joy. Thank you for reading.
-Vianca Joy
Vianca Joy 